The point of equanimity

God is said to be the end and the beginning.

The end and the beginning, the alpha and the omega.

How can we understand this more clearly? Let’s look at it as simply as we can, in a way that entheogens would be able to relate and understand Instinctively.

I have a cup on my table, it is made of atoms. Atoms are made of energy, and so my cup is made of energy. This energy exists regardless of the cup’s existence, therefore, the cup has become and will also unbecome into and from energy. The same with ALL things. All things are made of energy, will return to it, and will also arise from it.

I personally call this the non-physical aspect of existence, and along with this, the key to understanding everything in the world. It is literally the very thing which seems to be the reason for all existence (and of course, the place where all things will eventually return to).

Another way to look at it is as equanimity. Balance and harmony.

Balance does not exist. Yet it does! How can we explain this? All things require balance to exist. All things will fall towards a center of balance, and until they do, will not rest. When things have found balance, then we could say things are much more peaceful than before, it can be difficult but it is possible in everything!

Balance is also like the non-physical (perhaps it is the same exact thing), because it is required for all existence, and it is where all things will return to, and perhaps also the cause of existence(though the latter seems difficult to grasp for me, I would have to ponder it more).

Balance does not exist, but it does. In all things, we say they are balanced, but to point to the balance, seems impossible. Yes we may say that we can point to the center of balance in an object, but if you were to place an exact point, you would not find it even on the level of atomic structure. It is impossibly precise, non-existent, yet without it, without any center of balance, the whole of the structures of all the things in the universe would instantly cease to exist. They would return to nothingness. The whole of the universe would collapse, back until the final center of balance(if time still existed to allow for centers of balance to collapse one at a time in chronological of their point of creation) until the ultimate center of balance, which we may call the ultimate source, or something similar. (Big bang?)

However this point of balance exists in everything, no matter what it is. Atoms require balance and harmony to exist. When balance and harmony are lost, a different point of balance and harmony must be found, it is an ultimate requirement for all things.

Now we can take this and apply it to our inner self. Who you are is harmony. You are balance. That is your nature. From within harmony you derive all your energy, every last drop of juice. Karma is when you have things that are trying to find balance, and when you have found balance, your karma is peaceful. Karma is made worse by not staying in balance. Energy can grow only when you are perfectly in balance. If you are perfectly in balance, your energy perhaps can be as great as the sun. Otherwise, if you are losing your balance, you are only bound to such a certain extent of energy, you are capped, so to speak, like a hurricane that can’t grow any larger, that is who you are, the eye of the storm, peaceful.

At the point of balance, there is no longer up or down, but instead, neither. If you are a student or reader of the Tao Te Ching perhaps you can find a relationship between what I’m writing and what the Tao speaks of. Long and short define each other. The point of balance is what allows such to exist.

When I take mushrooms or ayahuasca, I focus on this point of balance. I found that the feelings derived from it are that of love. Pure love. Ultimate mastery and incredible knowledge and greatness. I believe it to be the path of the Tao/Krisna/Etc.

Religious texts seem to complement the idea, though to believe it or not is up to you. The Tao Te Ching says that the Tao is “Smaller than an electron”. The Baghavad Gita says that Krisna is “Single pointed…[and] blissful”. It also says that if you “Aim at [Krisna], you are sure to reach [Krisna]”. If Krisna is indeed the single point of equanimity and balance that I write of, then focusing on this point of harmony should be the key to What the Baghavad Gita calls “Krisna Conciousness” and what I believe to be perhaps the road to Enlightenment and Nirvana.

To return back to the beginning and the end, Harmony should in essence, be God, the Beginning, and the End. To reach it however, I think is the ultimate solution for all living beings. For I believe us humans can either be in the ultimate, completely outside of all disharmony, or we can be in chaos, like hurricane it seems to be. All karma is simply disharmony, and therefore is highly predictable. To remove karma, is as simple as finding harmony, and understanding what prevents us from being in harmony(most likely karma).

Lastly A short Poem on this center of balance and my experiences on it.

It passes between people’s eyes your gut can sense it when on psychedelics it is the flow you can feel it, talk about it, but what it is? Who knows? If you look into another person’s eyes while on psychedelics, you will see it and feel it pass by, it will appear as a blue dot, that exists between people’s eyes, but does not exist physically in this world, it is impossible to describe or draw. Your gut will sense it pass by. You will be aware of it. It is real. When I first saw god I exclaimed, “Love is real!” I had not actually seen anything however, but on mushrooms I could not help but go with the flow I saw literally nothing, but yet I couldn’t help but exclaim that love was truly real Now I understand it is a single point, it is love itself When I try to open it up, the love itself, I see it is a machine there are workings within it, and it is something deeper than I believe at the moment I would look as closely as I could at it, concentrating all my energy upon this one single object, all my eyes focusing deeply as I could on that tiny little point, one tiny exact feeling, it is a feeling, that is all. And when it unearths itself, beauty expands throughout the world, and understanding seems to arise Things make sense, but not with logic, but something deeper the right answer seems to make itself known, simply by understanding, not by guessing it is total understanding when it is held in your hand, things seem to happen a lot especially on psychedelics It seems to be so precise in it’s existence, it seems to be the cause of all feeling, it seems to be everything at once, the entire universe, within you. If I had to map it out, it would be your soul, yet the same as everyone else, it is everyone.


My first Trip

I had taken and ingested quite a small dose with the only friend who would understand any of the nonsense I’m about to explain. 2.5g. Mushrooms.

I took them and soon I found myself completely confused. It was like, nothing made any sense at all. Everything in my head, that was usually there, was now gone and I was completely unable to use my own mind. All the thoughts I had been relying on, all the ideas and explanations, they just were unusable. I didn’t know what to think, I couldn’t know what to think, it was simply impossible. It did not feel amazing. It was confusion! Complete and utter confusion.

My friend sat in his bedroom. He was looking at pictures. They were of flowers and sacred geometry. I sat down, looked at the photos with him. They made perfect sense. How? I don’t know, but they just made sense, so I just kept looking at them. What else could I do? Picture after picture, all sacred geometry, flowers, and other photos of these sorts, they all made sense.

Soon we went to the living room, where we found ourselves immersed in conversation, but this time, we had a sense with us, between us, and within ourselves as though this sense that we had, was our true nature.

We picked up our tea glasses, and said to each other, This is energy! Tea is energy! We were discovering for the very first time how this sense functioned. There is a way of understanding, and when we found ourselves lost, unable to grasp something, we’d soon find ourselves trying to bring our mind back to the proper sense, and not the lost sense, which seems to bring only ignorance and not understanding. It is like not knowing the answer, whenever we’d lose ourselves, but quickly we’d try to revert back into this non-nonsensical sense of understanding. It was like catching a boat on a river, there is nothing you can do about it, except try to go with it, without really understanding how you are even able to grasp the concepts, yet whenever we would use this sense, and when we would speak from it, it was like knowing everything.

The conversation went on, and the conversation moved from location to location, thought to thought. It was like our thoughts were places, and I could see them. The place within the mind. I could see the thoughts as they rushed forth through the body and out into the world, it was the body language and the visual phenomena combined into a single dose of realizations, that our mind, our inner world, and our outer world, are all there, and can be witnessed.

Certain thoughts brought darkness on his face, other thoughts, would make him glow, like a king. When a thought changed, I could see the movement in the mind, then the electricity of energy flow through his body very quickly, and would watch the calm before the action as his mind moved from place to place. It was like seeing the dream within him, and watching it flow into this human world. The mind is a place, I have to assume, because I see behind him worlds, visual in nature. This was the essence of all my hallucinations, completely without twirliness everyone seemed to describe. There was no twirliness everywhere, it was simply conversation who’s depth seemed to arise from a place deep within one’s mind, so deep that it was as if it came from the world of dreams initially, and then into this world.

Ever since I could see these little hallucinations, and glows around people, their thoughts and all. That sense never left. It stayed for good. It would be lost every now and then but any time someone would bring up a conversation that carried it, I would feel it. From then on, every single trip revolved around this same sense. It would only increase in power each time I tripped. The knowledge, once nonsensical became graspable in more ways than I imagined, the reasoning behind such discussion stronger and more clear, my connection to this energy, this source of power, more and more a part of my daily life. It brings me water, and life, and keeps me in the river, away from the drought, and towards the good lands. It is also useful when studying Organic Chemistry, and other sciences, and I think it is something Nikola Tesla would very much have appreciated. I wish to become better at math and science, in hopes of using this sense more in that way, since I can grasp much of the theory, but the exactness of the theorems elude me. It is great.

Ayahuasca, Learning of the River

The river is located very deep within all of us.  Imagine a root, like that of a plant, searching for water.  Now imagine the taproot of such a plant reaching that water, all the way deep down within the Earth.  It is a constant source of water, and is very replenishing.  Once you hit it, there’s no going back.  It feels like a New Earth.

When you feel it, it’s like your whole body comes to life.

I took Ayahuasca and came across this river.  It was like being inside a volcano, and watching the magma beneath and within it. I looked up and could see the holes and spaces that go to the outside world.  I realized that when the magma rises, and turns to lava as it moves outside and into the real physical world, that is when actions count the most, and that is when who you and me truly are, the person within us, is acting for us, as though who you are, is not the food you eat, but the energy in that food, and it is something that pervades physical existence, it is life itself, not the physical thing of life, but the cause and end of life, and that is what the river and magma represent (the two are the same both metaphors trying to describe something indescribable yet graspable).

It was as though I were a river.  And water flows through me. And when water flows through me, actions become seamless and simple.  It is like energy to do things, is there, and automatic, as though water is meant to flow through my body as much as water is meant to flow downhill, back into the ocean, as all water does.

It was as though gravity could come also through me, as though certain people places and consequences were meant to be, as naturally as possible, and it’s only by fighting against such a force, the force of nature itself, that I begin to hurt or suffer.  I only hurt because I’m fighting myself, my own intuition, my own wants desires and needs.

To be myself, is to be this river.  To let go, is to have full control. To try to control, without understanding, however, seems to bring only misunderstanding…

To let this river flow, is to know where to go.  As water knows that downhill is natural, that going down is where it needs to go, as gravity knows that all objects must fall, as I know that falling down, is natural, this feeling of knowing the inevitable seems to be the same as knowing where to go, how to be, and what to say, do, act and feel.  It’s all natural.

It’s intuition and understanding, though it seems to be limited understanding… perhaps when I go deeper, knowing who I am, more and more and more I will see clearly and know what it is I’m meant to do or who to be, and especially how to act in a situation that is completely ‘one’ with all things, my inner nature, this river that flows through me and into this world in the form of consequences, ideas, and beliefs.  It’s a torrent of love.

Water is meant to flow downhill. To know this, and apply it to life is to understand the way of life.

To see it, is to know so much more than seems possible.  To know what will happen.  And how.

It is a feeling, intrinsic to our nature it seems, though to understand our own nature, is perhaps our largest challenge yet, since most of us cannot barely even understand ourselves, nor others, how are we to understand what makes us who we are?

It comes from within us and moves into our world. You are either in the way, yet also it’s gatekeeper.

My Experience on Ayahuasca

The first sip was disastrously distasteful. Each time I smelled the drink, I already felt my whole body electrically intensifying itself.  Shocks running up my whole body towards my mouth.  Awareness.

I take a sip, and try to down it.  My whole body riveting and shaking, letting go. Awakening.

Then it’s like I’m riding down a pathway.  I hear cheering. It’s a tunnel, but I don’t know what’s happening to me.

I see thoughts, and feelings, as though they are physical in nature.  The feelings come simultaneous to an event. The thoughts afterwards.  It’s like every time I see or observe something, I instantaneously know how to feel about it. However I would notice immediately after, but not exactly at the same moment, a thought would arise, with an opinion held in mind, trying to understand what was happening, yet it could not grasp it because the moment had already passed, and if the moment had already passed, then it would forever be impossible for a thought to recognize the event. It is impossible.

The event itself, is the feeling.  The thought, nothing, pointless, aimless, and useless. It is trying to grasp something, and it will never be able to understand. It is trying to understand the past, yet the past no longer exists, so how could it understand something, that is no longer there?

The next event will then arise… The same event occurs, a feeling and event, simultaneous happen together. The feelings are understanding. Awareness perhaps… Then the thought will try to make an opinion of everything.  Never able to understand anything, it is grasping, and pointless effort.  The distance between the two becomes obvious, how I never noticed before, I cannot believe my entire life was this.

Feelings are everything. Feelings are understanding. Feelings are awareness. Thoughts are grasping. Thoughts are aimless, pointless, and never correct or true. They can only ever try to understand, without understanding.

The feelings arise on their own. Without contemplation and without anything to precede them. They are instantaneously present as is the event occurring. They are as much observed as the event itself.

*When I say event, I refer to anything that may be observed. Seeing a car, then having a feeling, then thinking about the event and/or feeling.