Ayahuasca, Learning of the River

The river is located very deep within all of us.  Imagine a root, like that of a plant, searching for water.  Now imagine the taproot of such a plant reaching that water, all the way deep down within the Earth.  It is a constant source of water, and is very replenishing.  Once you hit it, there’s no going back.  It feels like a New Earth.

When you feel it, it’s like your whole body comes to life.

I took Ayahuasca and came across this river.  It was like being inside a volcano, and watching the magma beneath and within it. I looked up and could see the holes and spaces that go to the outside world.  I realized that when the magma rises, and turns to lava as it moves outside and into the real physical world, that is when actions count the most, and that is when who you and me truly are, the person within us, is acting for us, as though who you are, is not the food you eat, but the energy in that food, and it is something that pervades physical existence, it is life itself, not the physical thing of life, but the cause and end of life, and that is what the river and magma represent (the two are the same both metaphors trying to describe something indescribable yet graspable).

It was as though I were a river.  And water flows through me. And when water flows through me, actions become seamless and simple.  It is like energy to do things, is there, and automatic, as though water is meant to flow through my body as much as water is meant to flow downhill, back into the ocean, as all water does.

It was as though gravity could come also through me, as though certain people places and consequences were meant to be, as naturally as possible, and it’s only by fighting against such a force, the force of nature itself, that I begin to hurt or suffer.  I only hurt because I’m fighting myself, my own intuition, my own wants desires and needs.

To be myself, is to be this river.  To let go, is to have full control. To try to control, without understanding, however, seems to bring only misunderstanding…

To let this river flow, is to know where to go.  As water knows that downhill is natural, that going down is where it needs to go, as gravity knows that all objects must fall, as I know that falling down, is natural, this feeling of knowing the inevitable seems to be the same as knowing where to go, how to be, and what to say, do, act and feel.  It’s all natural.

It’s intuition and understanding, though it seems to be limited understanding… perhaps when I go deeper, knowing who I am, more and more and more I will see clearly and know what it is I’m meant to do or who to be, and especially how to act in a situation that is completely ‘one’ with all things, my inner nature, this river that flows through me and into this world in the form of consequences, ideas, and beliefs.  It’s a torrent of love.

Water is meant to flow downhill. To know this, and apply it to life is to understand the way of life.

To see it, is to know so much more than seems possible.  To know what will happen.  And how.

It is a feeling, intrinsic to our nature it seems, though to understand our own nature, is perhaps our largest challenge yet, since most of us cannot barely even understand ourselves, nor others, how are we to understand what makes us who we are?

It comes from within us and moves into our world. You are either in the way, yet also it’s gatekeeper.


My Experience on Ayahuasca

The first sip was disastrously distasteful. Each time I smelled the drink, I already felt my whole body electrically intensifying itself.  Shocks running up my whole body towards my mouth.  Awareness.

I take a sip, and try to down it.  My whole body riveting and shaking, letting go. Awakening.

Then it’s like I’m riding down a pathway.  I hear cheering. It’s a tunnel, but I don’t know what’s happening to me.

I see thoughts, and feelings, as though they are physical in nature.  The feelings come simultaneous to an event. The thoughts afterwards.  It’s like every time I see or observe something, I instantaneously know how to feel about it. However I would notice immediately after, but not exactly at the same moment, a thought would arise, with an opinion held in mind, trying to understand what was happening, yet it could not grasp it because the moment had already passed, and if the moment had already passed, then it would forever be impossible for a thought to recognize the event. It is impossible.

The event itself, is the feeling.  The thought, nothing, pointless, aimless, and useless. It is trying to grasp something, and it will never be able to understand. It is trying to understand the past, yet the past no longer exists, so how could it understand something, that is no longer there?

The next event will then arise… The same event occurs, a feeling and event, simultaneous happen together. The feelings are understanding. Awareness perhaps… Then the thought will try to make an opinion of everything.  Never able to understand anything, it is grasping, and pointless effort.  The distance between the two becomes obvious, how I never noticed before, I cannot believe my entire life was this.

Feelings are everything. Feelings are understanding. Feelings are awareness. Thoughts are grasping. Thoughts are aimless, pointless, and never correct or true. They can only ever try to understand, without understanding.

The feelings arise on their own. Without contemplation and without anything to precede them. They are instantaneously present as is the event occurring. They are as much observed as the event itself.

*When I say event, I refer to anything that may be observed. Seeing a car, then having a feeling, then thinking about the event and/or feeling.