The first sip was disastrously distasteful. Each time I smelled the drink, I already felt my whole body electrically intensifying itself. Shocks running up my whole body towards my mouth. Awareness.
I take a sip, and try to down it. My whole body riveting and shaking, letting go. Awakening.
Then it’s like I’m riding down a pathway. I hear cheering. It’s a tunnel, but I don’t know what’s happening to me.
I see thoughts, and feelings, as though they are physical in nature. The feelings come simultaneous to an event. The thoughts afterwards. It’s like every time I see or observe something, I instantaneously know how to feel about it. However I would notice immediately after, but not exactly at the same moment, a thought would arise, with an opinion held in mind, trying to understand what was happening, yet it could not grasp it because the moment had already passed, and if the moment had already passed, then it would forever be impossible for a thought to recognize the event. It is impossible.
The event itself, is the feeling. The thought, nothing, pointless, aimless, and useless. It is trying to grasp something, and it will never be able to understand. It is trying to understand the past, yet the past no longer exists, so how could it understand something, that is no longer there?
The next event will then arise… The same event occurs, a feeling and event, simultaneous happen together. The feelings are understanding. Awareness perhaps… Then the thought will try to make an opinion of everything. Never able to understand anything, it is grasping, and pointless effort. The distance between the two becomes obvious, how I never noticed before, I cannot believe my entire life was this.
Feelings are everything. Feelings are understanding. Feelings are awareness. Thoughts are grasping. Thoughts are aimless, pointless, and never correct or true. They can only ever try to understand, without understanding.
The feelings arise on their own. Without contemplation and without anything to precede them. They are instantaneously present as is the event occurring. They are as much observed as the event itself.
*When I say event, I refer to anything that may be observed. Seeing a car, then having a feeling, then thinking about the event and/or feeling.